I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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