lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
