I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
