Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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