i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
