Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
