i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
