I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have post one night stand depression
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