I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
