This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
