my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
