Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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