im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
