I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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