Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
