I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
