At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
