i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he had hair everywhere except his balls
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
