I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize