the day after is always just damage control
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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