Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
