Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
