I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
