when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
