She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
