Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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