He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
