Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
