I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
