my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
