Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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