where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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