Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's always time for handjobs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
