KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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