And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
