He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
