The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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