That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
