How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
