From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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