At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
