so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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