It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
