I don't remember. Are we still dating?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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