Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
