She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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