Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
