I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
