How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
