she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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