I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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