i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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